3 years ago, I was an IT executive with almost 30 years of experience in the industry and a promising career in a large multinational organization. But it just didn't excite me any more. I didn't want to retire, I wanted to do something that inspired me, that made my brain light up (I call it making my brain go "POP"), that made more of a difference than selling widget A to company B. And then I listened to the audio book "The Brain that Changes Itself" by Norman Doidge, and I knew what I wanted to do. I'd always thought of going back to school, and getting my degree (I have a 2 year technical diploma in computer systems), but nothing really jumped out at me (the closest I came was to consider doing something involving geomatics and virology to track the spread of disease outbreaks). At this stage in my career, a computer systems degree wouldn't gain me anything, and I wanted a change, not more of the same. I became enthralled with the concept of neuroplasticity and then brain science itself, and started avidly reading/listening to more books on various neuroscience topics from systems neuroscience and brain-machine interfaces (Beyond Boundaries), to the search for Long Term Potentiation and memory formation (101 Theory Drive).
A career change of this magnitude is formidable. I did a great deal of soul searching and had many long discussions with my spouse. I'd have to bleed off my pension fund (which isn't all that much), and he'd have to take on the burden of most household expenses. But most importantly, I'd have to start from scratch, AND, an undergraduate degree would not be sufficient. I had decided that what I really wanted to do was research, and that requires a Ph.D. In other words, I'd have to commit to the LONG haul.
I started taking some courses part-time, not sure if I'd go in via the psychology route, or via the biological sciences. I was also completely naive about the impact of grades on research grant applications (oh, if I could just redo that damn philosophy course). But after 2 part-time courses, I realized that if I was going to do this, I'd have to commit fully. It was at that point, that a local university opened up a brand new undergraduate BSc. in neuroscience. It was EXACTLY what I wanted. But I lacked the high school sciences necessary to gain entrance. I had some university level calculus from a much earlier attempt at going back to school (a story for another post), but no biology or chemistry. In high school I majored in partying, with a minor in computer science and algebra. (From the top-10 honour roll in grade 9 to a self-professed under achiever in grade 12, I blame it on a lack of good role models.). So I took a correspondence chemistry course from Athabasca University to get at least one science credit under my belt (I highly recommend Athabasca for distance learning).
I hadn't taken calculus or any form of math course in over 18 years. I couldn't remember how to multiply powers together or do logarithms. Fortunately, my eldest son was living at home, going to university, and he had 3 years of undergraduate sciences under his belt. I had a live-in tutor. I aced all the labs, and struggled with the tests - mostly due to my very rusty math skills and a mental block against memorizing equations (they don't let you have equation sheets in chemistry tests). In the end I still came out with an A- and that was sufficient to grant me entrance into the BSc in neuroscience.
So in the summer of 2012 I bit the bullet, gave my notice, and enrolled full time for the fall semester in the new neuroscience BSc program. I couldn't get into the honours program initially, but after one year of proving myself, I was able to transfer into an honours degree.
Some people have called what I am doing "courageous" - sometimes it's genuine, sometimes it's a euphemism for "insane". I can usually tell which one they mean. I'm writing this blog because a friend convinced me that there might be others out there, like me, wanting to do something radically different with their lives, but uncertain how to go about doing it. I'm not sure anything I have to say will be of any use to anyone else out there. If nothing else, it will help me chronicle my foibles, successes and failures, as I fumble my way through university at a time when my friends are all planning their retirements, I'm old enough to have given birth to my classmates, and I'm older than 99% of my professors.
I'll NEVER make as much money as I did when I was an executive. My young classmates cannot figure out why I would do this. They are honest and have openly told me they think I'm insane. I respect that. At this point in their lives they are focussed on student debt and making money and figuring out all the next very expensive steps in their lives. They haven't yet gotten to the place where they find that financial rewards are only one part of the puzzle. They don't know what it is like to go to work every day and feel like your integrity is being compromised, that your work is just stress and more stress and personal growth is something the organization charts out for you in "goals" that don't coincide at all with your values. And maybe I'm just strange in that I like to feel challenged mentally (as opposed to mentally challenged, which I'm sure some people think I am). I love to learn new things and solve puzzles - it's why as a developer that I was an excellent designer and debugger. (I can also untangle ANY tangled fishing line if given enough time). I see the patterns and I make connections. In IT, I really felt that it was just more of the same. Re-org. Try to do more with less. Lay people off. Coerce vendors. Herd cats. Try to convince bigger executives to properly fund projects so they don't fail. Try to convince business divisions to work together. Try NOT to roll your eyes when they bring in high priced consultants to tell your management everything your team already told them.
Sure there were good parts, but it just wasn't ENOUGH any more. And maybe if I felt it was for some higher purpose, some greater good, it might have held onto me longer. Early in my career I had a job as a programmer at a research institute. I literally worked with characters straight out of "The Big Bang Theory" ( I worked with astronomers and rocket scientists), and I loved it. I solved challenging technical problems, I created new systems. I worked with brilliant people. It wasn't a huge amount of money, but I remember going to work every day and thinking, "Wow. And they pay me too!".
I wanted to feel that way again.
So now I'm on this journey. I don't know where it will lead. In my perfect world, I'll go on to a career in research, somewhere in the biological foundations of behaviour - stress, depression and neuroplasticity, or neurodegeneration research. I'd like it to be translational research if at all possible, but I'm open to options.
But first, I have to finish my undergraduate degree (I have a "sponsor" - a special friend who is not allowed to let me quit if I get disheartened - so far he has not had to intervene). Then I have to get accepted to graduate school. One thing at a time. Welcome to my journey, I hope you enjoy the ride.
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