It's not about the money. REALLY.

This past week, I've been learning how to slice brain tissue (mouse), on a cryostat and then put it on slides and stain it.  Right now I'm just working on perfecting my slicing technique and being able to identify where in the brain I am slicing (striatum, start of hippocampus, SNC, etc).  I hope to be learning neuronal cell culture techniques later this summer.  I still keep my hand in the human behavior research lab, but my real passion is in the biological mechanisms that create and influence behaviour.

In my perfect world, I finish my Ph.D. and go on to do translational research in neuroplasticity and synaptogenesis as it relates to mental health, depression, and/or recovery from brain injury.  Unfortunately, research positions are pretty rare, so it's a risky path.  Of course, if that doesn't work out, I'll look at other options, but my primary interest is a research career where I work to increase our understanding of neurobiological mechanisms, and potential new treatments for debilitating disorders.

Given my background in programming, I COULD focus more on human behaviour research, and have perhaps greater opportunities of landing a position at Google, or IBM, or other another tech. company - after all, "neuro"-anything is hot right now.  And certainly I have some interesting ideas around sensory integration and technology, but it's not my first love.  I didn't quit my job to take the safe route. I quit to pursue a passion and a dream, so I'm going to go after that with everything I have.  If it doesn't work out, that's ok too, but at least I'll have given it a shot.

And it's hard to get some people to understand that. Just yesterday I had yet another conversation with a friend where I had to explain it wasn't about the money. She was convinced that with my entrepreneurial spirit and history in tech companies, I'd go on to invent something or start a company and make big bucks.  I reminded her that I LEFT a job making big bucks to go back to school - if I'd wanted to be assured of making lots of money, I'd have stayed in the career track I was in. I left because I love learning and solving problems and because I wanted to do something that inspires and excites me.  And that has nothing to do with money.  Yes, I ultimately want to make enough to live on, but my goal isn't to get rich. My kids are grown, our house is worth 4 times more than the mortgage, and money just doesn't drive me.  Working on solving really INTERESTING problems that have the potential to alleviate suffering, is what drives me.  Yes, I'll definitely leverage my computer skills, and they'll be a big benefit in my new career path but I'm not working towards a Ph.D. so that I can go back to a career in a high-tech company. At least, not at this stage.

(and I find it amusing that the grad student who supervises me refers to me as a "hippy" for this and many other reasons...)

Pleasant surprises

I had forgotten about some "equity" shares I had been granted back at my old job. They vested this year.  It was a nominal amount, but paid for my son's graduation + 28th birthday present.  Good job kid - it only took you 10 years to get your undergraduate degree... ;-)  He's a chip off the old block.

On top of all of that, the economy has been doing well enough that, knock on wood, for the last 2 years I have not touched the principle on my retirement investments.  (I was convinced I'd bleed them dry by the time I was done).  This is good news indeed.  And I actually have a summer job as a Teaching Assistant.

I have to not remind myself that for 2 months of work it will pay less than half of what I made in a week at my old job. Yes, this is not important...  I'm actually looking forward to being a TA.  I like coaching and teaching, I really like the instructor, and it's one of my favourite courses. 

Another year done, and on to the next

Well my marks are finally in for this semester.  One truly craptacular one (yes, to me a B+ is craptacular), and the rest are acceptable.  There is nothing more frustrating to me than getting into an exam situation, KNOWING all the material, and just not having enough time to get through it all.  I mean, if I didn't know it, that would be a fair assessment, but when I'm only being tested on how fast and accurately I can punch numbers into a calculator and then write down the steps and results (I'm talking statistics here), it's truly disappointing.  I was going into that final with an A+.  I got 100% on my last two assignments and over 90% on all the others.  I KNEW how to do every question - I just couldn't get it all done in time.  The fact that I scored 70% on a final when I only completed 5 out of 7 questions tells you I aced the 5 that I completed. But that took me down a full letter grade.  *argh*.  We don't call it "sadistics" for nothing.

Years ago I remember watching someone expounding on the problems with the current education system.  I wish I could find the guy (I've googled to no avail - so if you know who said this, please let me know).  I remember he said, "Only in the penal system and the education system is the time served more important than the lesson learned."   It's one of my few frustrations with being back in school.  I take time to THINK about things.  And this isn't a factor of age.  Even back in high school, when I excelled in math, I was slow. I have another friend who has a degree in mathematics and he is a self-professed "plodder". But the education system only measures how FAST you can do math accurately.   Unless I'm going to be an astronaut and have to hand-calculate some complex equation because all the computer systems failed on my re-entry vehicle, I will NOT need to be crunching numbers on a calculator under horrendous time pressure.

Unfortunately, you cannot get granted more time on tests unless you are diagnosed with a learning disability. That's not likely to happen with my GPA.

On the positive side, my long suffering partner, bless his heart, sat with me for hours each night before finals, and "quizzed" me to help prepare me for exams.  He now knows more about the functions of the amygdala than your average man in the street, and you just ask him how many days it takes for us to recycle our olfactory receptors or taste receptors.  He knows!

I have managed to garner some study partners this year.  (It was really hard my first year. When you are literally old enough to be your classmates' mother and you are older than all your professors, finding study-buddies is challenging).  But it really helps to have people to quiz you.  When I'm in a pinch though, my sweetie comes through.  Unfortunately, there is nothing he can do to help me get faster at statistics.