Learning the ropes...

I've been incredibly fortunate to have an awesome grad. student take me under his wing. he's not only teaching me techniques and protocols, but also helping me understand things like grad school applications, study design, etc. Last fall I completed a round of stereology (cell counting) for his project, and we are hoping the paper will be published soon. (It will be my first publication in neuroscience!). Today he patiently spent more than two hours coaching me in an insufferably hot lab, as I laboriously (and unintentionally) mangled my subject matter in the course of learning how to do prep for neuronal cell culturing. More practice is required.

Tomorrow, another graduate student is going to teach me protein quantification, and I'll be doing some slide preparation. I feel very grateful to the students who are very busy with their own projects and yet take the time to help me learn the ropes. It's one of the advantages of working in a lab in a small institution - the people are great, and very supportive.  And of course, I'm open to any opportunity to learn something new. Every technique I learn now will be invaluable in my honours thesis project. (And if they need me to wash labware, I'll do that too, except that they now have a first-year student on a summer internship, so HE gets to do dishes!)

And on that topic, I also managed to develop some ideas for my project that will allow me to further explore the pathways involved in protein suppression that occur during major depression. This is a topic of particular interest to me so it's great that I have a supportive thesis advisor who is encouraging me to pursue my interest area and come up with my own research project. The downside is that my searches on google for "ketamine" will likely have me on every NSA and CSIS watch-list out there...

And I continue to finish up my work in the human behaviour research lab, finalizing software (written in matlab) and documentation for EEG data processing. (Oh Strongly Typed Programming Languages, how do loathe thee? Let me count the ways...) That professor (not my advisor) wants to pay me again just to keep me in his lab. He keeps trying to woo me to do my honours thesis with HIM, which is flattering, but I'm committed to Lab #1 for my thesis. I want to do work that elucidates the pathways involved in suppression of translational machinery during depressive states. If we can understand the pathways and circuits, we have a better chance of getting to the root causes of the neuronal synapse dysfunction and lost plasticity, rather than just treating symptoms.

At some point, I imagine this will take me back to human behaviour research, because I'm also interested in how cognitive therapies change brain biochemistry and alter these pathways (and when effective, they are as efficacious as drug therapies). Unfortunately, at this point, we don't have good tools/protocols for looking at those mechanisms in the human brain (And ethics wont allow us to chop people's heads off and look at what's going on, *sigh* ;-) ).

I'm now 2 years and 1 month into this new adventure and still loving it.  Okay, maybe not EVERY minute - exams still suck - but the majority of it still excites and enthuses me, and as a dear friend puts it, makes me "sparkle". 

Dear Mathworks, how to NOT "Do the right thing"....

As part of my student volunteer work for a human behaviour research lab, I was tasked with modifying some Matlab code that takes advantage of EEGLab (an open source suite that runs on top of Matlab).  The code is intended to simplify batch processing of participant data for students running studies.  In order to do this project, I BOUGHT the Student edition of Matlab.  Unfortunately, at the time I bought it, only the 32-bit edition was available in the Student version, though I am running Windows 8 on a 64-bit system.  I subsequently found out that I'm faced with critical "out of memory" errors, even though I have 8GB of memory.  Even more frustrating, the 6GB core 2 duo in the lab can run more files without memory errors, than I can...  The answer, I am told, is to move to the 64-bit version, which was released just 90 days after I had purchased my 32-bit license.

I emailed customer support and requested what I hoped would be a free upgrade.  They flat-out refused.

Ironically, their Mission and Values statement says,

Our guiding principle is "Do the Right Thing." This means doing what is best for our staff members, customers, business partners, and communities for the long term, and believing that "right" answers exist. It also means measuring our success, not merely in financial terms, but by how consistently we act according to this principle.

Dear Mathworks.  I actually BOUGHT my software.  When literally thousands of people out there are using ILLEGAL copies, I DID THE RIGHT THING.  Once upon a time, software companies used to give their LOYAL customers free upgrades if they released a newer version within 6-12 months of the date of purchase.  I really WANTED the 64-bit version, but you didn't have it ready.  Then, when you finally DID have it ready, a mere 90 days after my purchase, you want me to buy it again, even though there are KNOWN issues in terms of memory utilization with the 32-bit version running on a 64-bit system. Wouldn't it be DOING THE RIGHT THING, to allow your customers who are running 64-bit systems and have made a purchase in the last year a free upgrade to the 64-bit version?

Personally, this kind of "squeeze the customer for every penny" attitude is what is driving so many in the biological sciences (and economics) to open source systems like R.  I hope Mathworks wakes up and figures out what "Do the Right Thing" really means when it comes to treating their customers fairly, or they will continue to lose them in droves in the coming years.  

 

It's not about the money. REALLY.

This past week, I've been learning how to slice brain tissue (mouse), on a cryostat and then put it on slides and stain it.  Right now I'm just working on perfecting my slicing technique and being able to identify where in the brain I am slicing (striatum, start of hippocampus, SNC, etc).  I hope to be learning neuronal cell culture techniques later this summer.  I still keep my hand in the human behavior research lab, but my real passion is in the biological mechanisms that create and influence behaviour.

In my perfect world, I finish my Ph.D. and go on to do translational research in neuroplasticity and synaptogenesis as it relates to mental health, depression, and/or recovery from brain injury.  Unfortunately, research positions are pretty rare, so it's a risky path.  Of course, if that doesn't work out, I'll look at other options, but my primary interest is a research career where I work to increase our understanding of neurobiological mechanisms, and potential new treatments for debilitating disorders.

Given my background in programming, I COULD focus more on human behaviour research, and have perhaps greater opportunities of landing a position at Google, or IBM, or other another tech. company - after all, "neuro"-anything is hot right now.  And certainly I have some interesting ideas around sensory integration and technology, but it's not my first love.  I didn't quit my job to take the safe route. I quit to pursue a passion and a dream, so I'm going to go after that with everything I have.  If it doesn't work out, that's ok too, but at least I'll have given it a shot.

And it's hard to get some people to understand that. Just yesterday I had yet another conversation with a friend where I had to explain it wasn't about the money. She was convinced that with my entrepreneurial spirit and history in tech companies, I'd go on to invent something or start a company and make big bucks.  I reminded her that I LEFT a job making big bucks to go back to school - if I'd wanted to be assured of making lots of money, I'd have stayed in the career track I was in. I left because I love learning and solving problems and because I wanted to do something that inspires and excites me.  And that has nothing to do with money.  Yes, I ultimately want to make enough to live on, but my goal isn't to get rich. My kids are grown, our house is worth 4 times more than the mortgage, and money just doesn't drive me.  Working on solving really INTERESTING problems that have the potential to alleviate suffering, is what drives me.  Yes, I'll definitely leverage my computer skills, and they'll be a big benefit in my new career path but I'm not working towards a Ph.D. so that I can go back to a career in a high-tech company. At least, not at this stage.

(and I find it amusing that the grad student who supervises me refers to me as a "hippy" for this and many other reasons...)

Pleasant surprises

I had forgotten about some "equity" shares I had been granted back at my old job. They vested this year.  It was a nominal amount, but paid for my son's graduation + 28th birthday present.  Good job kid - it only took you 10 years to get your undergraduate degree... ;-)  He's a chip off the old block.

On top of all of that, the economy has been doing well enough that, knock on wood, for the last 2 years I have not touched the principle on my retirement investments.  (I was convinced I'd bleed them dry by the time I was done).  This is good news indeed.  And I actually have a summer job as a Teaching Assistant.

I have to not remind myself that for 2 months of work it will pay less than half of what I made in a week at my old job. Yes, this is not important...  I'm actually looking forward to being a TA.  I like coaching and teaching, I really like the instructor, and it's one of my favourite courses. 

Another year done, and on to the next

Well my marks are finally in for this semester.  One truly craptacular one (yes, to me a B+ is craptacular), and the rest are acceptable.  There is nothing more frustrating to me than getting into an exam situation, KNOWING all the material, and just not having enough time to get through it all.  I mean, if I didn't know it, that would be a fair assessment, but when I'm only being tested on how fast and accurately I can punch numbers into a calculator and then write down the steps and results (I'm talking statistics here), it's truly disappointing.  I was going into that final with an A+.  I got 100% on my last two assignments and over 90% on all the others.  I KNEW how to do every question - I just couldn't get it all done in time.  The fact that I scored 70% on a final when I only completed 5 out of 7 questions tells you I aced the 5 that I completed. But that took me down a full letter grade.  *argh*.  We don't call it "sadistics" for nothing.

Years ago I remember watching someone expounding on the problems with the current education system.  I wish I could find the guy (I've googled to no avail - so if you know who said this, please let me know).  I remember he said, "Only in the penal system and the education system is the time served more important than the lesson learned."   It's one of my few frustrations with being back in school.  I take time to THINK about things.  And this isn't a factor of age.  Even back in high school, when I excelled in math, I was slow. I have another friend who has a degree in mathematics and he is a self-professed "plodder". But the education system only measures how FAST you can do math accurately.   Unless I'm going to be an astronaut and have to hand-calculate some complex equation because all the computer systems failed on my re-entry vehicle, I will NOT need to be crunching numbers on a calculator under horrendous time pressure.

Unfortunately, you cannot get granted more time on tests unless you are diagnosed with a learning disability. That's not likely to happen with my GPA.

On the positive side, my long suffering partner, bless his heart, sat with me for hours each night before finals, and "quizzed" me to help prepare me for exams.  He now knows more about the functions of the amygdala than your average man in the street, and you just ask him how many days it takes for us to recycle our olfactory receptors or taste receptors.  He knows!

I have managed to garner some study partners this year.  (It was really hard my first year. When you are literally old enough to be your classmates' mother and you are older than all your professors, finding study-buddies is challenging).  But it really helps to have people to quiz you.  When I'm in a pinch though, my sweetie comes through.  Unfortunately, there is nothing he can do to help me get faster at statistics.